I Am Not Robert Pattinson

Should your presence here be accidental, an errant index finger poised upon a mouse and ravenous for other Roberts—glamorous Roberts: Robert Downy Jr., Redford, or De Niro kinds of Roberts, I beg you, do not go just yet. I have gone to bother; I showered and shaved my face. Tidied my nails, smoothing all the…

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